OMG What Johnalina!!

Wait what's this? Just read recently that there's rumours going around that voted in once again, Sexiest Man Alive, Johnny Depp, will be co-starring in a movie a long side Angelina Jolie!!!

Guys I don't know about you, but this rumour, if true, is epic.

It's the next best thing since Pitt and Jolie.

Sexiest Man Alive + Sexiest Woman Alive= EPIC.

You can't tell me you don't want to see Depp and Jolie going at it...

Just look at them.

Stressed

Ugh I don't know about any of you, but I'm completely striking a blank this week. I have so much stuff to do and it's all done after this week. I just want Thursday to come and go and be done with it all. Exam time sucks, lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of free time. It's exhausting and the whole toll is breaking out all over my face.

So much writing!!

I just want to sit back and play some video games.

That Time of Year Again.

So it's that time of year again. No not Christmas, although technically speaking that's just around the corner. I'm talking about exam time, and I'd just like to say... "With this bus strike it is very hard to get to a quiet place to sit down and study. I mean if it's not for the 1 man band upstairs with his dog, or the dog across the hall, it's a baby crying. A BABY!!!! Who has a baby in a student apartment?? Seriously, the kid needs a better environment, without all this loud distracting stuff going on around it. Maybe it wouldn't cry so much..."

That is all.

End of the School year Movie

So I signed on to msn recently and at the bottom of my contacts shows a reel of all of msn.com's news. One that caught my attention was the trailer for the movie, Prince of Persia.

For those of you who do not play video games and are unfamiliar with that title, it is based off of a video game. But, that shouldn't veer you away from it.

You all should go watch the trailer. I think it will definitely be a decent blockbuster. Besides who doesn't want to see Jake Gyllenhaal all buffed up. Plus there's someone for the men too. Gemma Arterton, will be co-starring alongside Gyllenhaal.

Let's just say if you enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean, you should find this just as entertaining.

A quick List on...How to know when you have a Stalker

This is really just a parody on my friend who has a 'potential' stalker. I hope you enjoy it.

1. 1. Shows up at your house un-invited

2. 2. Follows you to class

3. 3. Some how knows your phone number and constantly calls it, and then when you pick up they say nothing, and all you hear is constant breathing.

4. 4. All of a sudden they’re riding your bus even though they live on the other side of town

5. 5. You wake up and they’re there

6. 6. They’re there in your room standing over you with a knife

7. 7. You scream but you can’t because they have duck taped your mouth closed.

8. 8. They lean in and put their pointer finger on your mouth and do a “shh” motion.

9. 9. They knock you out

10. . You wake up and duck tape is gone and everything looks like it did the night before, except now there’s no crazy person standing over you with a knife in their hands.

11. Although there is a lump in the covers that isn’t you

12. You sit up and the lump coughs

13.

“I know you’re there” you say

14. The lump sits up and it’s little Jimmy from down the street

15. . “What the @#$% little Jimmy?... You really gotta stop doing that”

16. Little Jimmy looks up at you with those big brown eyes, and then ignores you and hops off

17. The doorbell rings and you walk downstairs and answer it

18. No one’s there but a note

19. You pick it up and open it and it says

20. Who the @#$% is Little Jimmy?

The End of TV... or Not

Hey readers this is just a required 300 word response I need to do for my blogging class.

Out of all of the media systems ‘The End’ talks about, I think the end of TV is the most interesting issue. I mean most people don’t read the newspaper or magazines much anymore as it is because the majority of people are visual learners and don’t enjoy reading as much as they enjoy watching something. The radio is almost at its end now because most people don’t listen to much radio, when in the car most people just pop in a CD or their iPods and listen to the songs they downloaded from the Internet. The Television though, is slightly different in terms of its finale. I don’t think the Television will die like radio and print will even though ‘The End’ says people can watch “cable and satellite on your computer. And now video is popping up on our computers, our cell phones and our iPods - so we can watch wherever we want (CBC The End: TV).” Even though people can watch whatever they want whenever we want, people can’t watch the episode they day it airs unless it’s on the television. Not to mention the fact that people enjoy watching things on a large screen, that’s why people go to the theatres to see movies. I agree with their final statement when “Ad agency executive Cliff Freeman agrees, "The statement that it is the end is of course very dramatic. But of course, it's not the end at all." In fact, statistics show that Americans are still spending 17 hours a week in front of the old tube (CBC The End: TV).” Personally I believe most students watch television over the Internet more then anyone else does. I personally watch television all the time from sites on the Internet because I miss the shows when they air on the television. I’d rather watch them on the television but I just don’t have the time, or I’m too lazy to move my computer from one room to the other.

Twilight New Moon...

So the second film to the Twilight Saga came out last Friday. I’m sure every theatre featuring the film was full of daunting fan girls and fan boys squealing over how sexy the Cullens are. I for one was not one of those fans lined up two hours before curtain. I also will probably never spend the money to go see such a movie. I am no longer a fan of Twilight since the reading of the fourth book. Or maybe since the fact that it got such a huge following of people that don’t understand good plot and character development. I’m kind of sick and tired of listening to people say Twilight is so awesome because Edward is so hot. I mean, most people only started following the saga after the first movie came out. The movie wasn’t even that good, and the acting and tension between Bella and Edward was pathetic. Yes, I did see it, but unlike others I didn’t spend the money on it. I feel kind of like a tool considering I watched the film, and I’ll probably find a pirated copy on the Internet of the New Moon film, just so I have something to say about it when I hear someone say it was so awesome.

3 week mark and a small list of cramming essentials

Three weeks guys, that's all that's left and it's Christmas Break. =)
How exciting!! Minus the fact that within these three weeks most of us students, will be working our butts off.

Here' a list of things that I suggest to get in order to help you get through these stress inducing weeks...

1. Candy
2. Candy
3. Pizza (come on people it's stress food)
4. Home made chocolate chip cookies (or whatever you consider you fav. to be)
5. A Theme song (for those late night study periods)
6. A box set of your favourite show (because if you are anything like me you'll come across a show and decide you have to watch the entire thing before you start doing any productive work... it's called epic procrastination)
7. I guess you're school work.

Here's a couple places to watch shows.

1. CTV
2. MTV
3. Ninja Video

My received quote of the Week

My dear friend Ms. Jessica, likes to send me and our group of friends with random quotes each week via. text message. We do no know when we will receive them, they are like I said, random.

I particularly liked this one and thought I'd share it with all of you.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling from it.

I thought it was pretty funny and pretty true... lol

BTW

I've been really wanting a new kitty and I am this close, like 50%, to getting one for Christmas. When your parents ask you to write them a list for Christmas, and all you write is...

1. Kitten- that is all.

It's pretty much a guarantee.

So... whose mad about that local transit strike?? I mean seriously?? Some kids had a 45 minute bus ride to school, imagine that in walking minutes. It shouldn't take 2 hours to get to school, is it worth it, especially for an hour class? We all paid for the transit did we not? I demand satisfaction, I want some money back. Maybe enough to pay off the amount I pay for books.

Walking back and forth to school is cool and all, except after night classes, that's a joke right? Walking all by your lonesome, late at night. It's dark, an owl whoo's, maybe a howling of a wolf is heard down yonder. Is that a shadow, OMG did you hear that? what is that? Shuffling of leaves on the ground the sound of boots behind you... man screw walking, better run!

Or hell, could always spend your lunch money on that taxi ride home. Taxi guys are loving it right now, all the new customers needed to get places.

In reality I wonder how many students will sow up to a majority of their classes, yes, I know school still is running like normal, but I think some exceptions need to be addressed. Am I right?

Ivey's Crazy

So I woke up yesterday morning at 8:30 to the sound of coughing. Like super loud hacking gross sounding coughing that awoke me from my slumber. My roommate was in the bathroom, puking I believe. I'm not quite sure I just assumed. I thought to myself "Aww %^$@ does she have the flew? If so, am I screwed. I didn't get the shot!!!" I rolled over and went back to sleep. Waking up many hours later. 2pm I think it was, as I don't normally roll out of bed until that time. I got up and walked out into the hallway. ~Silence~ I walked down the hallway to my roommates room. ~Silence~ She wasn't there.

I then preceded to the kitchen and T.V. room. She wasn't there. The coffee pot was left on still full. I thought to myself... "what happened... is she dead??"

I decided to do the dishes and watch some movies. She ended up returning around midnight. The night before she returned around 7, eyes blood-shot. And the night before hadn't returned at all. I asked her what's up.

She said, "Ivey" They have these 48 hour report things that keep these kids up for 48 hours straight, and on top of that case studies that take like 5 hours each to do. There is no way I could do that. I love my sleep time.

OMG, is this Global Warming or what??

Alright, well I don't know about any of you but, this weather here in London is incredibly annoying. One day it's cold, almost freezing, and I'm shiveng waiting for a bus, and the next day I'm sweating my butt off.

What is up with this weather??

I don't know, maybe it's the fact that 18 degrees doesn't feel cold to us anymore because we've felt almost below 0 already.

Or it's our Canadian Blood because I've been seeing people walking around in nothing but shorts and a T-shirt, and I'm thinking, "Are you people crazy? It's like freezi- wait... no it's not. Man I'm sweating like a pig." o.O

Then the next day I'll be like, "It's not cold out, and walk outide and once again freeze my buttocks"

Come on weather, pick one already!

Serial Killer that Kill's Serial Killers.

Hey I don't know about any of you, but I am in love with the show Dexter.

I'm not the type of television personthat's anal about shows. Anal in a way where I have to watch the show when it's on to the point that my entire schedual works around TV time.

No. That's not me. Except when it comes down to this show.

Last episode, Dexter broke his "code", and killed an innocent man. He just doesn't do that, he feels that he is a good guy because he kills the bad guys. We as an audiance like Dexter, and we root for him because we know he is a good guy, he just so happens to kill people.

That's what makes the show so crazy, "WE ARE IN LOVE WITH A SERIAL KILLER" There's just something slightly wrong with that... But, the shows awesome. If you haven't seen it, I encourage you to check it out.

Sunday Night's 10pm. Movie Network.

Lady Gaga, has got nothing over Eric Cartman

Was watching South Park, and Kenny, Eric, and Kyle were playing the game rock band. Eric was singing "Poka face" by Lady Gaga, and I thought it was brilliant.

For anyone who hasn't seen it click here.

This Is It

I just recently came across a little fortune in itunes money, as it just so happens I seem to use my Visa card a lot. I had to sit there and think to myself, what exactly I was going to spend my hard earned Visa points on.... my mother chose for me. So low and behold, an itunes card.

I have been listening to a lot, while no that's a lie, more like one, one song of Michael Jackson's that I am very fond of. The song "Will you be there" that was featured in the movie Free Willy.

I love that song, and it occurred to me that I do happen to like Michael Jackson's music and I remembered that there was a movie of his that was coming out. Ie. This is it.

I have yet to go see it, I'm not sure that I will to be honest. BUT, I did download the album that inspired the movie. *Big props to me*

The Movie Legion

So the other day I was watching the Tyra Banks Show, and it was an interesting segment. It had something to do with "real life vampires", these are people who believe they are real vampires. These people actually drink other people's blood... anywho, I was like, "well this is kinda weird." I decided I wanted to look up some information about these people, and I just so happened to get completely side tracked. I found myself watching a trailer for this upcoming movie called 'Legion'

Here's the synopsis from the International Movie Database:
"After a terrifying biblical apocalypse descends upon the world, a group of strangers stranded in a remote truck stop diner in the Southwest unwittingly become humanity's last line of defense when they discover the diner's young waitress is pregnant with the messiah"

I know the synopsis doesn't sound too awesome, if anything it doesn't give the trailer any justice. IMO, the trailer looks pretty sick. For anyone whose interested go watch the trailer. Gotta love Youtube ;D P.S. Yes, that is the naked guy from A Knights Tale playing the Angel Michael.

Halloween Haunt

On late Hallows eve, or Devil's night many call it, where all the mischief goes down. Aka. the tee peeing of houses, eggs connecting with front doors, and the traditional pumpkin smashing. I found myself attending the Halloween Haunt at Canada's Wonderland. There were a number of ghouls running around at the front entrance, and also a number of mazes "haunted houses" too walk through if looking for a good jump.

My brother had gone last year and the week prior to last night, he said last year was a lot better. Maybe it was because last year was his first time, or the haunted houses were just better executed. Last night, while walking through the mazes I couldn't help but things could of been done better in order to grab more screams. I think I went in with too many high expectations and not to mention I'm not easily frightened when I know people are there to scare me.
Walking through the mazes with a large group kind of killed the affect of scare factor when five people ahead of you the ghouls would jump out and you could clearly see where they were.

I give props to the cornfield maze, and the one that resembled a mine (if anyones scared of small places I recommend skipping that one)

This guy here is a pick I found on The Abattoir, a blog for Rue Morgue's Magazine, it's a pick of one of the ghouls from the cornmaze.

If anyone's easily scared and enjoys the feeling of being frightened I recommended heading on down to Canada's Wonderland during the weekends of October.

A preview of what's to come with the Blog change... Thoughts on Twitter

It all started with Tom who had no friends. SO he decided to make an online social network called MySpace so when people created a profile he’d be auto-friended.
Now we got Facebook, (something that is pretty much old news now) and Twitter (the new easy step to stalking and creeping). Way to ruin society Tom. How do you feel, bet you have no friends now, all left you to tweet and tell the world exactly what they’re doing every minute of their life.
Lets look on the bright side, at least stalking is a lot easier, heck, you don't even have to leave your house.
On the stalker note, I read the other day that Miley Cyrus, aka. Hannah Montana cancelled her twitter page. She had over a million followers (oh god, like seriously?) She cancelled her page despite the amount of followers she had, which was over 2 million, (come on people, get a life already. You;d think fans would have something better to do then follow a 15 year old and read exactly what she’s doing all day... No wait, they all pretty much do that anyways, They’re the people on Perez Hilton reading up on the celebrity gossip because their lives are more interesting then their own). Fans got so upset they started tweeting about it, begging for the 15 year old to come back and tell them about her fantastic life, so at every point in the day they can feel just that much closer to her. (Bunch of stalkers...)
Just now I was linked a rap video Miley Cyrus made that announced the reasons why she leaved Twitter, and watched it. It was very amusing, and almost sad due to the fact that she completely contradicted herself several times stating she wanted her private life separate and that she wasn’t living for the tabloids anymore. When in reality she is, and the video is going to be in the news (way t o suck...) I recommend you watch it if you're in need of a good laugh. (Sorry if you're a fan)

Blog Topic Change

Hello loyal readers, aka my bestie Jess Shrum, who I know for a fact goes on this blog religiously as she tells me... And to my 7 followers, and others who every so often decide to check out this blog, I plan on changing URL names and the initial theme/ topic this blog was officially started with. I.E. Customer relations with said employee’s i.e. me. I’ve decided to expand this very focused topic into something more grand and give this blog a broader scope, as I hope to flash it up a bit with pics and links to things I noticed and found interesting that day. A space to vent pretty much, and a space to chat. The URL will be changing to www.ventspace.blogspot.com, and the title will most likely be “Let’s chat” because lest face it, a blog is pretty much a space for social networking and a place to ... chat.
This way, I’ll be able to link the funny video’s I came across recently, link the sites I go to frequently and share my thoughts on certain things like, how much I despise Twitter, and how much I’d just love to shove over the displays of Twilight paraphernalia, every time I walk into a chapters or HMV...
Until then, happy reading =)
Here’s a sweet cite I just remembered about today while on the bus, it has a lot of funny video’s that have to do with this main character, a squirrel named Foamy. He continuously rants about things that annoy him in every day situations. I give props to the Creator ILL WILL PRESS, you make me laugh. Here's the link.

Jack In The Box

I still have been unlucky in terms of finding that video in relation to the PS3, BUT I did remember a little short video that made me laugh when I first watched it. It has to do a little bit with customers, if anything its a funny video that will make you laugh.

I kinda wish I as an employee had the authority to say something like this to customer's when they just aren't listening to you. Ofcourse I have been on the other end of a drive through, and it is hard for us to hear what the person is saying on the other end, although they can hear the customer clearly.

Here's the link.

Playstation 3

I’ve been trying to find this video I had seen last year where the PS3 had come out and they had police holding customers back way before the stores doors opened, and once the doors did open you could see a pack of wild eyed men ages 13-35 just bolt for the doors, it was almost frightening and yet humorous at the same time. I mean I know it’s an awesome gaming system that’s like “state of the art”, but I mean to lose your humanity over a box of plastic is just insane. That just goes to show how insane we as human beings can be when it comes to something we really want no matter how stupid the thing is. I mean do you really need it the day it comes out??
Actually I’m being somewhat of a hyprocite here, I myself go out and buy things the day it comes out...
Nevermind, I get where you all are coming from, but I mean, no pushing please.
I’ll keep looking for that video.

Urban Dictionary, Customers

I don’t know if a lot of you are familiar with the site urban dictionary, sometimes when I’m bored I look up words and find the nonsense people have written about such and such word. Most of the time the definitions are quite humorous. I decided to look up ‘customer’, and to my astonishment there were some pretty crude definitions, some that were in my opinion pretty funny.
Here are some that I found amusing,
The number one definition, by Stanzfield on Dec 18, 2005.
“An incredibly stupid person. These people are often found in department and grocery stores and show no signs of common sense. Many times they can be rude, cruel, and obnoxious.
This store has too many horrible customers ruining our job.”

The number two definition by Anonymous on July 22, 2004.

“Barely sentient, shambling creature. Close relative of the Zombie. Generally seen in vicinity of hassled shop staff, shaving points of their IQ with inane banter.
"Excuse me, where are your Dan Brown books?"

And definition number 6 by Adrian, on December 7, 2007.

“Some of the time, they can be very nice. Most of the time, unfortunately, they are pieces of shit that want you to bend the rules just for them. If they complain to your boss, don't bother telling your side of the story because you just can't win.
Customers make my work life horrible.”

I personally thought the second definition made a lot of sense, I myself refer to customers as walking zombies. I mean half of the time they have no reason to be in the mall, they’re just blindly walking and handing over there money...

Old Ladies No.3- An Interview

This is a little convo my sister, Micheline, and I had when I asked her about her experiences with customers.
Some background, my sister works in a kitchen section of a grocery store and makes chickens, and marks the prices.

Micheline says: its probably not even correct anymore,like she asked what was the 8.99 chicken so i pointed and showed her the 8.99 chicken. So she picked it up because it was what she wanted right?

J says: lol yeh

Micheline says: then a few minutes later customer service confronts me saying this lady is saying that I told her the wrong price of the chicken...
I was like what? “No I told her which one was the price she wanted 8.99”
So the girl went back, then a bit after that the lady comes back to me where I was, at the chicken heater
she says in this nasty little voice “I’m never coming to this store ever again because of you,
your a terrible person making me pay too much for my chicken I hope you burn in hell,” and she gives me these wild eyes and slowly leaves the store.
I dunno I can’t trust old ladys now.

J says: lol

Micheline says: I think they all want me to go to hell for some reason

J says: thats so &%$@#& funny

Micheline says: That came out of a sweet looking old lady
god ><
So whenever an older women comes in the store I try to look super busy so whos working with me deals with them.

Outfoxed Fox... or some other.

I know this post has nothing to do with customer’s but it does have a lot to do with dealing with people, so in some ways it does relate. However, this is just merely a response paper that I am required to post for class reasons.
I’ve always heard the jokes related to Fox News, and that most of it is just complete fabricated bull. It is funny when people say, “oh did you hear such and such” and it’s completely off the charts in realistic factors that people immediately ask what news station they heard it from. The immediate reaction after hearing ‘Fox News’ is the rolling of eyes. During the entire viewing of the film Outfoxed, nothing really caught my attention more then the interview with Jeremey Glick. Jeremey Glick was asked to appear on the O’Riley show after he had started a protest against the war of 9/11 even though his life was directly altered due to the twin towers destruction. Long story short his father was killed.
He was encouraged to go on the show, knowing that Fox would get a huge story out of this, and a big reaction from O’Riley himself. His reaction not only baflled me but made me laugh as to how stupid he looked in this video. Of course most people would assume what O’Riley said was true, but I also laugh at how funny he looks and makes himself seem like a tool when he starts twisting Jeremey’s words around. It just goes to show how twisted the media is, and how much we have to question what it is were watching , reading and listening too. If anything it makes a lot of people pretty paranoid. Not me of course, I barely watch the news at it is.

Oh Glorious Shoes and Fat Women with Huge Feet.

I love shoes, and when I was given the opportunity to work with shoes I snatched that up quick. It was fun, I got to try them on see the new stock coming in and help people find shoes and their sizes. I loved working with the shoes, it beat dressing men in suits. BUT there was an exception, and I believe that exception was the one thing that made me rather deal with clothing, the women with the fat feet. These women loved shoes. Loved shoes maybe just a little too much that they’d force these awfully small shoes onto their awfully large feet. This one lady I remember picked up these snake skin boots, I for one thought they were the ugliest things ever made from leather, but she just adored them. She adored them so much she asked for a size and tried to get them on her feet. I say tried because the was no way these shoes were getting past those cankles she called ankles. These ankles were huge, so huge they morphed with her calfs. She had the nerve to ask me to put them on her feet for her. I HATE FEET. I love shoes, but I hate feet and she asked me to touch her chubby bigfoot feet. Ew! I crouched down and tugged that boot on, but I refused to pull up the zipper, the zipper refused to move also. I think we were in an agreement this lady wasn't getting these shoes...

Old Lady No.2

Just like the other old lady i had mentioned in my previous post, most old ladies are similar, and a lot of the time I’d rather avoid them. Usually they aren’t the old nice nanny kind, if you know what I mean. A lot of them have teenager resentment, and if I do say so myself they like to make it clear (their hatred towards them rough-scallions... is that what they call us these days?) I remember this one time there would be this regular old lady that would come in almost everyday looking for something that was wrong with the store. Then she’d make a big fuss about it to the point that she’d want to see a manager and tell them for example, “They should lower the shelves so old ladies like herself can reach things” I don’t know, “Or make signs more visual friendly and at eye- level so she doesn’t have to strain to read them” You know, silly things like that. Attention seeker is more like it.

Crazy Lady

This crazy old lady one time I remember came in looking for a certain type of soup. It sounded like Cambell's but it was definitely not Cambell's because I showed her Cambell's and she went on this rant as to how it wasn't. Then she persisted on telling me about how teenager's do not listen and that we're all going to hell. I was well amused let me tell you. She then continued to tell me about how she came to be the way she was. Something about a stroak. Now I know, a stroak is no laughing matter, but a crazy old lady customer is >.>

Why all the HATE?

I think the one type of customer I hate the most are the ones that hate themselves. You know, the ones who hate their lives so much they go out in search of people whose lives they can make worse. I would call these bullies.

These "bullies" love confrontation, and if you have never come across a bully before, these types of human beings have a knack at creating situations where they have the upper hand. They will not go into a fight they know they can't win. The logical explanation for this IS, to create a situation where it's on sided. They need a handi-cap. SO, walking into a department store with employees who are no more then teenagers, whom they (the customer) can hassle with over stupid shit. Shit they do not even need to buy, nor care about, is a perfect one sided situation.

Because the customer is always right, right? I suppose... but in dire circumstances a situation arrives and you (the employee) do have some cards to play.

Scenario...

A customer (a hater) comes into the store, and finds an opening between you and your self- composure. Because customers believe they can say whatever they want to say to you when things don't go their way. They fail to grasp the notion that the customer is only right up till the point they start calling the employee stupid, ignorant, and other things that I will not disclose in this post (for the children's sake... their poor innocent ears). Basically they find a way to make you uncomfortable.

When this point arises. I urge you to not drop your guard. DO NOT shed one single tear. If that happens to be the case, they've won. You've lost, you've got nothing riding for you at this point, so DON'T cry in front of them (hold it in mate, you can weep and cry in the bathroom later, this is a mini war, losing is not an option)

Here's what you do... Say excuse me sir/madam (whatever). Tell them to Wait one moment while you go and get someone whom they can talk too. Then turn around, and walk away. Ignore their retorts and angry insults. They've already lost. Just turn and walk.

If they place a hand on you, I give you and I'm sure GOD does too, the right to right then and there round house kick them right in the FACE. (No... don't actually do that... just visualise yourself doing that, instead scream, "I need an adult!!!" lmao don't do that either, I'm just messing with you). No but really maybe run or walk at a brisk pace so they cant put a hand on you.

At this point they believe you have gone in search of the manager. Smile. Call security.

Was that CIBC

So I'm at the checkout right, and this woman is in a hurry, she takes out her bank card and places it on the counter. I scan all her items and I hit total and then ask her if she has a point card with us. She says she does, and takes it out of her wallet and hands it to me. I scan it, and tell her the total. She nods and frantically searches in her purse.

I wait. A line is starting to form behind her. I lean against the counter and place me chin in my hands and watch her go at her purse. I look down at the bank card that's been sitting on the counter since the beginning of this transaction.

"You wouldn't be looking for your CIBC bank card?" I ask her. I lean back and place my hands on the counter. The women looks up at me,

"How do you know it's my CIBC card?" I nod towards the counter. She looks down and then sweeps up the card with a slight chuckle. "Oh my god, it's been there this entire time" she says. I smirk and motion to the debit machine.

"Swipe stripe facing you" I tell her, and mentally laugh at her, what a tool I think, and then I say to myself, how sad that that's the highlight of my day...

The Food Tasted Bad

So I’m working the service desk. It’s the desk where customer’s who are pissed off about the merchandise they bought is unsatisfying, or a place for customer’s to complain about the cashiers incompetence to scan items and give out the correct change. I have had my share of customers and returns, but one that sticks out to me would have to be the couple that returned a barbeque.
They brought back the entire box that was ripped to pieces, looked like a dog ravaged it or something and the Barbeque was half taken apart. I had to ask what was wrong with it, it is mandatory to do so when a customer returns anything (especially a 300 dollar barbeque that other customers wished to buy but couldn't because we were out of stock). The customer looked at me, and then looked at the barbeque, (that looked used by the way)and said to me, “the food tasted bad.” Now I had to hold back a snort of laughter, what did they mean the food tasted bad. I said, “So... you’ve used the barbeque and cooked?” The customer interrupted saying, “steak, we made steak, and it tasted bad.” I couldn’t help but think, well it’s not the barbeque’s fault. Clearly you can’t barbeque, OR you didn't read the instructions on letting the barbeque heat for a while to get rid of whatever it is they spray on the grills. Heck probably poisoned yourself or something...
The manager came out and told me to just return it. I don’t know what we eventually did with the barbeque, couldn’t sell it now, it was used. -.-

The Banana Hamock

So I’m standing in the men’s suit depeartment of the Bay (the place where I worked during the summer), and I’m covering one of the other associates breaks. Before she leaves she tells me that theres a man in the change room trying some things on and that the merchandise on the counter is his. I say yeah okay and let her go on her way.
So I’m standing there by the changeroom, and the man comes out and says to me, “I want to try on some trunks.” I assume he means the swim trunks, and I nod and say okay. So he walks away and I don’t see him for 15 or so minutes.
I finish cashing through a customer and the same guy comes up to me and says he’s ready to purchase. I’m like okay let’s cash you through. I have my head down looking at the cash register mind you and I don’t see what it is he’s holding. Then out of no where he says, “Is this for gays?” I imediately look up shocked and I’m like what?? Gays? I look at him and he’s holding what looks to be a man thong in his hands. I don’t know what to say and I imediately start to ramble on about I dont know what gay guys where for underwear and what not. He eventually says he’ll take it. And I quickly cash him through and hand over the bag. But I can’t help but keep thinking about if he had tried that thong on and what exactly he left behind in the change rooms...

The different types of Customers...

It has come to my attention, while working within a retail department store, that customers are quite versatile. There are different types of customers; ones I'm sure you or maybe someone you know has come across. Certain kinds you pray each shift you will never have, and unfortunately at some point you always do.
This is my list, maybe you have come across others, I’m not sure, but let me know =)
1. The Driven: a customer that is determined to get what they want, at no cost. Refer to number 2 in the Customer Handbook.
2. The Angry: a customer that is already angry over something that happened that day, something that has nothing to do with you (the employee), but they make it your problem. You can smell these types of customers... I swear.
3. The Stupid: a customer, you as an employee can’t believe actually exists. These people ask you the dumbest of questions, or in most cases, questions that are easily answered if they would just read the signs (or look around even). I one time had a customer ask me where the men's coats were, I replied, “right behind you sir!”
4. The Challenger: This type of customer is someone who likes to challenge you, in regards to prices, and even intelligence. I would also categorize this type of customer as a manipulator, or schemer. See below.
5. The Manipulator: The manipulator basically manipulates you into thinking you did something wrong. Or in a criminal sense, they could be considered a quick change artist (someone who gives you a large bill, and asks for change, and repeatedly change their mind as to what they want, and when they are done, they walk away with more then what they previously owned).
6. The Schemer: Basically like a manipulator, except these types of customers are frequently the ones that move merchandise under signs that read a sale, hoping that you wont figure it out. Or they just simply move the sign. At some point you will get a customer that frequently goes in search of broken merchandise, that of which they want to buy, and hope they’ll get a discount on it. (Usually in stores that allow a no bill return, they will ‘lose’ the bill, and return the merchandise 3 days later for a full refund, minus the discount... in the end receiving more money then the amount paid).
7. The Double Teamer: These people work in groups and perform most of the above definitions, below too.
8. The Cross-dresser: The name speaks for itself.
9. The Employee: These are customers that work at your store, the moment they’re on the other side, all definitions count.
10. The Impatient: People who are in a hurry, and you can tell they are in a hurry. At this point, I’d work slower...
11. The Insane: Insane, enough said.
12. The Boaster: People you may consider insane, these people, have to tell you exactly what they bought, and why they bought it. Another, could just simply like to flash around their cash.

The Customer's Rule Book

The Customer's Rule Book, is a figment of a customer's imagination. It is an imaginary book they created within their head to relate back to when they believe they are in a situation where the customer service is not up to their satisfaction.
As an employee, I have never read this book, and I'm sure many of you haven't either. But this is what I believe is written there...

1. As a customer, I am always right!

2. As a customer, I dictate the prices when...

a) The wrong price comes up on the machine

b) There is a sign over a stand of shirts and shorts. The sign says all shorts, $9.99, clearly the shirts that are ticketed $24.99, are $9.99 too. THE SIGN SAYS!!

c) I swear I saw a sign there

d) Everything is on sale

3. If a price is not coming up, it must be free!

4. I know there is a line, I see people standing in the line, but I want help NOW! Double exclamation mark!!

5. As a customer, I have the right to complain to the employee about their stores customer service, at how slow and incompetent they are at serving me. At how there is no one on the floor, and that I am in a hurry. BUT, I do have time to wait around to speak to a manager about how shitty the store is.

6. As a customer, I have the right to tell the employee I hated shopping at the store, and that I wont ever shop there again, BUT I'll be back tomorrow.

7. As a customer, I have the right to put things on hold and tell the employee I'll be back to purchase, and then never come back.

8. As a customer, I have the right to stand and watch an employee fold clothes and make the display look all nice, and then go in there and take it apart looking for a size I don't actually like.

9. As a customer, I have the right to wait for an employee to have a bunch of things in their hands, or going on break, and then ask them to help me find something I can easily find on my own, but I'm to lazy.

10. As a customer, I have the right to come to an employee and return an item I have had for over two years, no longer have the receipt, have some how ran it over with my car and it no longer fancies my taste, but I swear that's what it looked liked when I bought it.

11. As a customer, I have the right to wait till 2 minutes before close, and then come to the employee to buy or try on my 20 articles of clothing, and then decide I don't actually want any of it. Then I have the right to complain that I can't get back to my car because someone has locked the doors I came in through, and now I have to walk farther.

12. Just to restate it, I am always right!